While at church this past Sunday, there was a woman sitting behind me with her baby boy. At the beginning of service, she and I said good morning. She was holding her little one as he was sleeping, gently rocking him before we sat down. Once the sermon was over, we connected again for a brief moment. Her son reached out to me. His pacifier was in his mouth. I reached my hand to meet his and he grasped my finger. His tiny little hand was so soft. His mom took the pacifier out of his mouth to reveal a big smile. His eyes were bright with wonder as he looked into mine, then to my finger he was clasping. He liked the color of my nail polish. And he seemed as captivated by me as I was of him. Will I have one of my own one day? A baby to rock and adore. Or will the fear of pregnancy as a scoliosis patient decide for me…
Talking to my doctors
My doctor, in the kindest way possible, said to me “if you find Mr. Right and you learn he had scoliosis fusion surgery, he’s not Mr. Right.”
I was 15 when I had my fusion surgery and there was a long cadence of doctor visits before and after my fusion. My surgery was deemed a success and my time seeing my orthopedic surgeon eventually came to an end. In my last appointment with my surgeon, he asked me if I had any final questions for him before we parted ways.
I had two questions, one: “do I have any limitations now?” to which he told me to live life like a normal kid with the exception of: no bunjy jumping, sky diving and never see a chiropractor (please note: I see a chiropractor regularly, but the other two things, I’m fine never doing).
My second question was “will I be able to have kids?” As a girl in my late teens, it’s a pretty big question to be asking considering this was not by any means the chapter of life I was currently in, but I wanted to know. My doctor, in the kindest way possible, said to me “if you find Mr. Right and you learn he had scoliosis fusion surgery, he’s not Mr. Right.”
Much later into my 20s, when the question was a bit more applicable, I talked to my gynecologist about my abilities biologically to have a child. I was encouraged by my therapist to have this discussion. He picked up on the fear residing in me. I harbored much fear around this, to the point where I wasn’t even open to asking my care provider as I was anticipating disappointing news. So having the discussion was a big deal in and of itself. Initially surprised by my question, she shared her perspective on what she’s seen and how able the female body is to have children in conditions much more complex than mine. She had zero concerns about my ability to bring a child to term and give birth. Her only open question was regarding an epidural which she recommended speaking to an anesthesiologist. Conveniently for me, my dad had a very successful career as an anesthesiologist with raving reviews from his patients. I haven’t had this discussion with him yet, but I’m confident that if this is the only concern, I have just the right person to help me navigate it.
It was important for me to speak with my doctor so I could better address this in the world of dating. I like to communicate clearly and rationally about my condition. People take our lead when we discuss our health. If I freaked out about it, my date would respond to my emotions. Since I’ve done my due diligence to understand my condition and what it means for me and my life, I am able to have these conversations more matter-of-fact (I only get emotional if we dive into the weeds of my surgery as the emotional wounds are very real and reliving them still feels real to my mind.)
Will I have children? (pictured with my nephew below)
Me with my nephew :)
So when I ponder this question, or if someone asks me if I want to have children, the answer becomes more and more clear as I get older: I want children in my life the way God has intended for me.
This could come in the form of having them myself, adoption, fostering or maybe in a way I can’t currently imagine. I don’t want to get ahead of the plan that has been laid out for me. And in the meantime, I want to focus on what is within my control.
Idiopathic scoliosis patient and pregnancy
When it comes to having children for people with scoliosis in general, my surgeon’s advice fell short in that it didn’t address my role in the matter. Significant research has been conducted to explore the genetic factor that contributes to the onset of scoliosis. What I’ve learned is how powerful environmental factors are in the onset of the condition and learning to listen to the biological signals that fuel progression versus reverse it. In my eyes, the best thing I can do to optimize my chances of a healthy pregnancy is to keep my hormone levels balanced, healthy and happy. I can also take care of my physical health through movement, nourishing food, and proper supplementation to address nutrient deficiencies and insufficiencies.
While idiopathic scoliosis means “unknown cause”, “unknown” does not mean “no known cause”. It’s been fascinating to hear the stories of the women who have been on a journey similar to mine and what they believe is the cause of their condition. To know the cause is to correctly address and treat the condition. It was the not knowing and lack of understanding that led to my fear of not being able to have children. This was not founded in the reality of trying and seeing undesirable outcomes. This was fear getting in the way wreaking havoc on my emotional well-being.
I have been blessed to be around children of many ages. I’ve experienced their love through welcoming new members into the family, building relationships (while temporary) through ex-partners and mentoring at an elementary school. Children are an incredible gift and maybe one day I’ll be entrusted with raising one. And my hope is, whether it is biologically my child or not, that we will share seasons of love and light for the time we are blessed to do so.
I’ve had the pleasure of connecting with a number of women who have scoliosis like me and who have gone on to birth and raise beautiful scoliosis-free children. These strong, nurturing, vibrant women have given me a beautiful gift. We are able to connect in a space of love and understanding and it’s truly powerful and healing.
